I started my new job this week, and so far I really like the environment there. Very laid back and lenient. We can have food and drink at our desks, we manage ourselves for the most part, and people are always joking around and being silly. Plus, most of my time there, there’s no real management. Much less time on the phone, no sales, and no fucking occurrence system!!!  They are cool about me taking the time off for Burning Man and my benefits start in 2 days! The benefits are decent as well. Looks like I found the right place. I feel like I could stick around for quite some time.

So, this obviously means no cruise ship situation. I realized that I’d probably end up hating it because I really like to have travel on my terms and wouldn’t want to be so limited. So, here I am.

 ***

Sometimes I hate distance. I want the ability to shorten it drastically and immediately…or just the power of teleportation. There’s an Angel out there who knows just what I mean.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve updated this blog.

I fell off the raw wagon really hard. I found that I’ve felt tired and sluggish, whereas, with the raw foods, I felt energized and lighter. However, I was eating the same things a lot and I need variety. So, I’m easing more raw foods beck into my diet and seeking to strike a balance. I’m having green smoothies in the morning and the rest of my meals, while not often raw, are still healthier than I used to eat before the whole raw thing.’

***

I’m very seriously considering the idea of working on a cruise ship. I have to decide before Burning Man, as my lease will be up at the same time, and I have to decide if I will keep the new job and get an apartment by myself (which I’d like to do as I haven’t lived alone in almost 10 years), or hang with my mom in Tucson until some cruise line accepts my application, which is a shot in the dark, but has good potential. I guess I’ll see how the new job treats me. If it’s really cool, then I may hang around.

***

I am looking forward to Burning Man again. I met some local burners and they rekindled my interest, so I won’t be selling my ticket. I’m looking forward to it again. I just wish it wasn’t so expensive to go.  But, I think the experiences will be worth it.

My friend Brian and I went to Mill Ave last night and while hanging out, we ran across this little three piece band where the lead singer had a double-necked acoustic guitar, one girl had a single snare and another girl had an upright bass.  They were called Fast Heart Mart.

They had a great sense of humor and they’re from New Mexico, where Brian and I both lived for quite some time. We cracked some NM jokes with them.

They had a sound that was alternately sparse and then surprisingly lush. It made me ache for my days when I used to play my guitar on Mill Ave and in Santa Fe. The memory of it hit me like a tank shell, especially when he sang the chorus to Chinese Restaurant.

I play guitar and sing
livin’ my dream
so when
the doctor tells me
that I am dying
at least
just maybe
I’ll die happy
knowing
that I have lived
passionately

I’m tempted to brush up on some of my old songs and write some new ones and head out to Mill again. It was nice to see that they’re now allowing street musicians again. For a while there was so much focus on gentrification that the law took away the music and the Mill Ave scene became rather lame. Last night was the first time in years that it felt anything like it used to about 15 years ago.

Maybe they realized “Hey…people like street music!” There are much worse ways to spend a Saturday night. If only Jans was here in AZ. We could tear up Mill Ave! Whenever he and I played together in Santa Fe, we had this chemistry that was infectious to people, with our back and forth banter and the way we played the crowd. We always did pretty decently when we had that guitar case open and played our funky stuff.

We wrote some great songs too. Uncle Jemez, I Like To Watch Girls Eat Ice Cream, and others I wish I could remember.

You know, despite my rant about Life the other day, there has been some good inspiration coming my way. Thank to all those who have brought it!

I’ve been looking more into the idea of getting jobs on cruise ships and there are big pros and cons, but the more I read, the more I think it would suit me perfectly.

I just wish I’d thought about this back in my 20’s.

I could already have all that travel under my belt!

This morning, immediately upon waking, this thought entered my mind: “This is my life!”

I thought about how we all toil at jobs we don’t like in order to pay bills we don’t want to have so that we can meet expectations that are not our own. We’re slaves to it all. And where is the escape?

Every place on this planet is run by various corrupt governments with ridiculous rules that simply control people to funnel money upwards. That and ridiculous religious laws. You have to meet visa requirements to go to other places and the length of your stay and what you can do is determined by those governments. There is no freedom.

What happened to us as a species? How did we get into this wholly unnatural state? I mean, I really dig some of the technology and we’ve created some awesome things, but look at the price we pay with our lives to sustain it all. I’ve often wished I could simply exist in some tropical location where food and fresh water is abundant and live simply, without the weird laws, oppressive religions, money, or government. Just let me carve out a surfboard and have a few good people around me for companionship.

But, that’s just not possible in this life. Not without going through all the toil and bullshit to become rich enough that money doesn’t matter.

It kills me to think of how much of my time and efforts are not mine and are serving nothing worthwhile. I talk on the phone to petulant, whiny, helpless, rude and stupid people to help them deal with issues that they could solve themselves 90% of the time if they could slow down enough to take a moment to read some instructions. I do this and it makes a few people quite rich, while I make enough to pay cheap rent.

I look around at other options. The only things I really love to do are longshots. The music, writing, comedy, acting, etc. Success in these things is not dictated by talent but by marketing people and executives who are often not talented themselves. They look at what “sells”.

So, how in the fuck do I create a fulfilling life with all this bullshit? I want to see the world and take in all the different cultures and natural beauty. I want to be free to simply explore and learn. That’s it.

The wave of bullshit has far too much momentum to stop it. Besides, people don’t really want to stop it. Most people have been bred from birth to be dependent on it all. They need their religions, money, social status, etc. because without it they’d have no clue of what to do with themselves. They need other people to tell them what to do and how to live. It’s caused a sickening downward spiral where people are warring with each other over crap that’s written in religious texts, as well as for resources and control…and why?

Why would anyone feel the need to control others? Isn’t there enough to go around if we simply did the right thing? All we have to do to thrive as a species is help each other out. That’s it. We could use our creativity and intelligence to create a really amazing way of life on this planet. But we won’t. It’s all too entrenched.

So, what’s one to do in this world if the thought of being a part of what it has become finally becomes impossible to force oneself to do? There’s got to be a way.

Well, my body is screaming for something else. I’ve stayed raw for 2 and a half weeks and have done very well. I’ll still eat a lot of raw foods, but I’ve got to incorporate something else. My body is dying for a good, gourmet burger, or chicken and green beans. Something cooked, yet still healthy. However, if I think of fast food or soda I just feel sick. So, at the very least this diet has turned me off to junk food.

I believe I’ll still be able to stay healthy with some occasional meat, and I don’t feel like I’d ever get back to eating like I used to: microwaved burritos, Taco Bell, Mountain Dew, etc. That stuff doesn’t sound good at all to me anymore. The idea of good, gourmet food thrills me though. I think I may have just needed to up my quality. Rather than regular, I’m on premium. Rather than my diet being raw, it’s more like it’s parbroiled.

***

 I got GTA IV yesterday and the first couple of hours were rather frustrating as I got used to the controls. However, once I got the hang of them a little better, the game started to truly become fun. It looks awesome, and your abilities are much more versatile. Now you can climb onto and over things.  There are too many cool changes to list. If you like the GTA style of games at all, you will love this one!

Well, I haven’t written in a few days, so I figure it’s time for an update. Still staying mostly raw, and considering my life’s options.

I’m very interested in the culinary world and I go back and forth on whether I’d like to go to culinary school and become a chef. I love the idea of constantly creating new things, but the idea of slaving away in kitchens for years with little pay kind of outweighs the passion at this point. I wonder if, at age 38, I might be too old to start now anyway.

Regardless of the raw food thing, I have a deep love for great cuisine. I can’t alter that. I don’t have to have it regularly, but I don’t think I’ll be abandoning it either.

***

I’m considering getting some kind of entry level position on a cruise ship so that I can travel, and save for more travel at the same time. I could work on a ship for 6 months, travel on my own for 3 and repeat. I found a nice resource online that gives the real lowdown of the cruise ship life and how to get hired, what companies to try for and which to avoid, and the harsh realities of such a life.

I’m thinking, no rent, utilities, gas, groceries, cell phone or other bills, except for my credit cards. I could actually pay off those cards in a couple years and be totally free of that debt if I really hunkered down. Hell, I could even work my way up the culinary ladder and kill two birds with one stone.

I know I wouldn’t be able to do the raw foods thing, though. Can’t really do a farmer’s market on a ship…unless…I go to local produce places at the various destinations and load up. Imagine getting local produce from several countries! It could work!

***

I’m leaving my life wide open after Burning Man for whatever comes my way. I have my mom in Tucson as a backup. If all else fails, she’d let me hang at her place for a month or two to let me get on my feet if need be. I have too many ideas floating around. The cruise ship thing, Tucson, Portland, staying in Phoenix, or just taking off and seeing where the wind takes me.

I just need something other than cubicles, sales, phones, and stagnancy. I have no idea what…but there’s gotta be something out there for me. I just need to find it.

Watching Top Chef has been inspiring me to see how I could spruce up some raw dishes, so tonight I made a nice little treat.

I cut the corn off 4 cobs and mixed in some sea salt, black pepper, and cayenne. I made a simple guacamole with avocado, a dash of sea salt, and lemon. I mixed the guac and the corn together and there was just enough guacamole to give the corn a nice coating without drowning it. The flavors were excellent. I think next time I may keep out the cayenne and cut in some jalapenos instead, for that more fresh spicy feel.

Oh, and I scooped it into raw spinach leaves! Yum! A good dish all around!

I also got my cacao nibs in the mail, so I’ll have to come up with some interesting ways to incorporate that into my food. It’s got that great raw chocolate taste, but it’s also bitter, so it needs something to offset it. I’ll have to figure out some good things for that.

I’ve got to give props to Victoria Boutenko for introducing me to the green smoothie. It’s extremely nutritious and pretty filling. However, I’m learning which greens I like in them and which I don’t.

Collard greens are great when steamed with some salt and lemon, however, as part of a raw smoothie, not even a whole bunch bananas could save it. It’s just too bitter raw. Kale has a fair amount of bitterness, but doesn’t overpower the fruit, and blends in quite nicely. I’m looking forward to a spinach smoothie, as I love raw spinach and it’s not very bitter. I have a feeling I’ll be having quite a few of those.

I have to also remember to use bee pollen and agave nectar more sparingly. Bee pollen is awesome for energy, but has a somewhat bitter taste. Agave nectar is slightly sweet, but I think is better as a slight background flavor mixed with other ingredients.

The green smoothies fill me up enough that I don’t have to prepare many other meals.

***

I was watching some episodes of Top Chef tonight, as I’ll always be a foodie and have an interest in the culinary world no matter what I eat. It was interesting that I could look at all those delicious items and not really feel much desire for them. I loved watching the craft of the chefs and the food looked delicious, but my cravings have almost evaporated since I started on the green smoothies.  It’s good to know I can still have that interest even if I can’t partake of much of it.

However, there are some great raw chefs, and I know how oxymoronic that sounds. However, preparing food is what a chef does, and it’s a craft and an art. It doesn’t have to require cooking. Even though I’m in total agreement with Bourdain’s disdain about vegetarians on a philosophical level, I gotta do what I gotta do to lose weight and be healthy.

I also have a fascination with molecular gastronomy, and that’s the furthest thing there is from raw. It’s a chemist’s lab rather than a garden. However, just because one can’t paint doesn’t mean they can’ t appreciate the painting.

***

Now that I’m starting to get some of the basics down of the raw diet, I think I’ll start getting inventive soon, and create dessert smoothies and try out some of the more intricate dishes as I develop raw skills and have more time.I’m just thankful my mom taught me some decent knife skills.

Taht’s one thing I just don’t see mentioned in the raw forums. Everyone’s talking about badass blenders and dehydrators and juicers and food processors, but no one’s talking about the importance of a good knife. I may have to bring that up in some of the forums and see what feedback I get.  A good knife and some skill will save a lot of time and is a lot easier and faster to clean up than a Cuisinart.

Points to you if you now have an Oingo Boingo song running through your head!

Yup, still raw. I’m tossing around the idea of making a site for those who are not vegan or who otherwise would like information, facts, recipes, etc. without all the accompanying fluff. A place where one can read up about how to go raw or partially raw without lectures about the environment, animals, corporations, etc. I tend to agree with those who are against such things far more than I disagree, but I think that such lectures can be off-putting to those who simply want to get healthy.

There’s more than enough sites out there with all the fluff for those who are interested, but I think there may be many like me who don’t want to wade through a New Age hippie wonderland in order to get to the Goldmine of Information.

The green smoothies are really helping, and they’re pretty cheap to make. Considerably less than going to the juice bar, and you get the added bonus of knowing exactly what is in your smoothie without any unwanted stuff.

***

Been kinda blah today, as I’m just burned out on having jobs where I’m on the phone. Time to start exploring whatever else might be available, unless I get the position I applied for. They’re just being a bit slow, and I can’t wait that much longer. Problem is, all the kinds of jobs I actually enjoy tend to pay crap. So, I’m open to ideas right now.